In 10th grade, Rob Lee, switched schools for me. I was walking down the hall and poof there he was. We were going out for like a week. This was after he showed up at my house in his boxer shorts and barefooted upon meeting my mother for the first time. Later that day I was approached by some friends that said they had seen Rob in the bathroom and that he was carving my name in his arm with a knife. He also beat up some kid for looking at me the wrong way, but he loved me fiercely and devotedly and that was admirable. I just never knew what I was going to get with him. My gravitational pull towards the bad-boy universe started early for me.

It is no secret that we have a thing for the "bad boy", then we decide that this is not a healthy condition for us and so we hunt for the good guy, the one who loves his mother and texts us every hour on the hour. Then we want to punch them in their handsome Prince Charming faces. Why? Because we as women need anti-heroes and who better to feed us the truth? Most women I know say they want honesty, but in reality, they want you to give them their version of honesty which truly isn't honest at all. Yeah, fellas, I get it, we're confusing as shit.

I don't think women want someone to mistreat them. In this day and age, you'd be a fool to guide yourself in that direction. I think we want someone who is slightly in the gray area.

He kept staring over my shoulder. His tall stature rose with determination. He got up from the table and walked right over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, my lady and I are on a date and you are being incredibly rude talking on the phone so loudly here, would you you mind stepping outside?"

Assertive. Effective. Oh so sexy. When a Mister can take charge and make something happen, it's exciting. There's a danger factor in there. You don't know what is going to happen, whether the man on the phone will react in a hostile manner or will he politely walk outside. There is suspense! Sure, it's not ALL that big of a deal to ask someone to take their conversation elsewhere, but it is about the motivation and action. When a man can make a decision, that's sexy. When a man makes a decision in your honor, well that is super sexy, but shouldn't this be the norm?

“Antiheroes liberate us. They reject societal constraints and expectations imposed upon us. Antiheroes give our grievances a voice. They make us feel like something right is being done, even if it is legally wrong. Antiheroes do things we’re afraid to do. They are who they are and they do as they want—without apology.”

— Dr. H. Eric Bender, Psychology Today

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Women need a little edge in their life. I for one have dated the sickly sweet guy and it bored me to barf. It bores most of my lady friends. The guy who constantly says, "Whatever you want to do" or "What do you feel like eating". We want the Eric Northman's, the Spike's, and the currently Tommy Shelby's because they exude our inner thoughts. They take action where we don't and they do things with reckless abandon. When Mr. Shelby sits with Grace in his arms after she's been killed, you can feel his pain, but what really excites us is the upcoming avenging of her death. He's gonna kill a lot of people and we're gonna be there to sympathetically wipe his brow.

So what's so attractive about men who have a questionable moral compass? These men are already broken. You can't fix them and that for women it's intriguing because we always think we can fix them. Confidence. We love it. We think it's hot and to have a Mister be confident in his actions tells you that this is indeed someone who is sure of themselves. I know, with all the gender confusion out there and the pussification of the American male, this sounds sexist in some way, but I'm an average heterosexual woman in her mid 40s and in my observations, I've noticed a lack of balls with some heterosexual men and I don't know about you ladies, but sometimes I want my man to take control.

The reason I love Thomas Shelby is because the man does not lack in this department. He's super intelligent, strategic, and he gets what he wants. I think we as women love Tommy because he's this beautiful, dark and damaged man....who dresses well, mind you, but doesn't have to think about making a call. We justify this behavior because look at what these poor guys have been through. It's not like they are doing these things for fun, they are doing it to avenge the wrongdoing of others, sometimes illegally of course.

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Is it because they are pretty? More than likely it's because they are attractive men, but I also think it's because they are romantic in some sense. Take Eric Northman for instance, he's bad, really bad, but as soon as you see his vulnerability and passion with Sookey, he's even more attractive and we forgive him because, awww, he put his teeth away for her. Now, when he goes through his "nice" phase, we start to yawn and ache for his bad boy persona to return. There's actually science to back this up.

A study by Nicholas Holtzman and Michael Strube of Washington University in St. Louis found that narcissists, unsurprisingly, are better at making themselves look physically appealing. Which explains why it’s definitely not a coincidence that bad boys have both an amazing wardrobe and amazing hair—they work hard at it. (Brianne Hogan, Zoosk, April 2017)

We as women want that power. It's not about control or weakness, it's about knowing that those questionably behaviored men will take someone out for you, and knowing that, we want to be their medicine. We also want them to do the right thing in the end. And yes, I know, some of you ladies are saying, "Um, I don't need to be saved by some man." It's not about that, it's about saving him and bringing him to the good side --- leather jacket and all. We like to think that they have the potential to be good.

Antiheroes are attractive because they are complex and they give zero fucks. These are not men you have relationships with because they won't be on time for dinner, they might not even show up. He'll make you late for work, he'll forget your anniversary, and you might catch him looking at Suzy Q at the end of the bar, all with a wink and a sparkle in his eye, a la Don Draper. He is unpredictable and while others have a healthy fear of them, you feel completely safe with them. Complete exclusivity.

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I mean let's be honest, if you watched Game of Thrones, how many of you got upset when Drago departs this world? And do you think that whole shift in alliance would have changed had not Dany "conquered" him? I mean she was sold to him like a slave and he did questionable things to her body. That's a whole other subject, but we as women, we crave a challenge. It feeds us. Do we want to marry the unpredictable psychopath? Not really. These narcissists we are attracted to, serve as a temporary bauble, they are not the guys you end up marrying, even though we want to convince ourselves otherwise. I think in some weird way they give us strength and the honesty we so desperately want. So, we'll take Thomas Shelby over Superman any day because in the end, we secretly want to be told we look fat in some outfits.