Today is Mother's Day. It is the day everyone celebrates moms and really, doesn't it celebrate existence itself? I often think about how divine it is how we are made up. How strange that we as women are the ones who give birth to these teeny humans who become these hopefully functioning adults in a very volatile world.

"Dakota? That flows nicely. Ooooo, no, I like Sadie! Yes, Sadie. What if it's a boy? Francis?! Hmmm, how 'bout William? Not Will. Not Wiily. Not Bill. William. Yeah, William Henry. That's a name."

As we walked down Monument Avenue, having this conversation, I thought, "Wow, we're discussing baby names. We are definitely having children." I thought about what they would be like, if they would be musicians, or artists, or an architect. Thoughts of first days of school, driving lessons, and outfits swam through my head. After 14 years of unprotected sex with my ex, the universe never granted me such things. We talked about it. We both seemingly wanted a family, but it just never happened for us. I had these thoughts of creating a life made from my own blood and how it would be nice to have some sort of DNA mark. I was, as a matter of fact, my father's only daughter. I come from a long line of pro-creating women and both sides of my family are quite large, like Catholic large, to say the least. If you look up my surname in the dictionary the definition would read: Breeder.

Having a younger sibling, I thought for sure I'd have my 2.0, Sadie and William. Alas, brother 3, sis 0. Now at 45, I'm pretty sure, all is done and I can't imagine the physical restraints one would have at this age and birthing a child. I play the what-if game a lot and there are times when I cherish the freedom and there are times I'm quite saddened by the fact that I never got to have children. So, the universe gave me M.

I met M when she was just 2 years old. Sure, I've dated men who have children, but never this young and never in an all-involved capacity. When Mister and I started dating, we were both on board to wait to see where our relationship would go and when would be an appropriate time for her and I to meet, if ever. Four months later, on an Easter Sunday, I was introduced to Small Bones. It's a very sensitive thing to be introduced to someone else's child. You never want to overstep boundaries and you want to be cautious, not just for them, but for you too. You don't know how things will end up and getting attached to a child can be worrisome. For me, it was incredibly important to establish a good rapport with her mother. Awkward, yes, but for me, necessary. This child was going to be in my home and things were going great with Mister and I, and I felt it important to let her mother know where I stood. Luckily, despite how she felt about him, she respected the fact that I made such efforts. For me, it was the right thing to do. I'm not saying we are best friends, but she acknowledges that I am a safe person and have her daughter's best interest. I wanted her to trust me and I wanted to be able to comfortably communicate with her when it came to M. I feel we've done a good job with that part.

When I was 27, I started to think about children. I never wanted them before, but I had noticed a sudden change anytime I was around them. My uterus literally ached! Then it stopped when my ex and I moved to New York and then like biological clockwork it fiercely returned at 32. As I witnessed the miracles of joy my friends got to experience, I had thought I'd be right there with them as our children played in the yard while we sipped on our Malbecs and caught up on current events. That scenario turned into "we have children now, we can't get away" and if we did hang out, no attention was actually spent on the two of us, but rather them constantly attending to their child. I've been quite sympathetic to my cohorts and just thought this is the way it is, surely at some point they will be able to hang out with me again. The truth is, there is an alienation that takes place with the whole mom vs non-mom scenario. Moms want to hang out with other moms so they can talk about how they are moms, while collectively avoiding YOU. I mean you're getting to travel, enjoying nights out at shows and bars, you're actively having sex and discovering new things, all whilst they are cleaning up messes, making sure their kids don't end up politically incorrect, trying to still be a wife and dealing with how much iPad time they should give their children. There's no resentment there at all, not at all.

So now I have this five year old angel in my life that has made me more empathetic to understanding what it is to be a mom, part-time for me, but also very much a part of my being these days. I honestly never thought I'd be in the position of grilled cheese sandwiches, bath-times, bedtime stories or comforting her when she's had a nightmare. I think I have a fortunate status, because when the weekend is over and we drop her off at school, we are back to our every day routines. I think being a mom full time is not luxurious or easy whatsoever and I truthfully wouldn't know if I'd be up for that job. Mind you, this isn't a choice for us. There's no father like the one here, the one who wishes he could be a constant part of his daughter's life, but circumstances are what they are and although I have my opinions on what it means to co-parent, this is not my battle.

M has been a nice surprise. It has been amazing watching her grow and learn and discovering her little personality. She's funny and smart and picky with her food, just as I was when I was a kid. She challenges me with sass sometimes and then she wows me when she remembers her Spanish words. I can bring her around my friends and she's well behaved. She's thoughtful and caring for others, just as I would instill in my little girl. She makes me proud a lot of times. The best is when she cuddles up against me and expresses how she wants to be hanging out with me, much to daddy's chagrin.

it's difficult at times. She's not mine. She doesn't have my traits or my physical attributes, but I adore her nonetheless. When you become a part of a child's life in this capacity, you are very aware of your status. I'm always careful in disciplinary situations --- "am I ok to reprimand her?" "am I allowed to teach her manners?" "can I scold her if she's misbehaving?" Luckily, Mister allows and actually encourages me to do these things. We actually parent her together and we support each other in that endeavor. We want her to be the best human she can be and to be honest, being a part-time parent is incredibly difficult.

"Sometimes people think I'm your daughter, but you're not my mommy. it's ok though because you're my Jo Ann."

In flux parenting. We're not married, but committed to each other. I'm not her mom, but I treat her like a daughter. She's adjusted quite well and understands there are rules in mommy's house and there are rules in our house. At times, it's challenging hearing all the things her mother can provide her where I cannot, but with us she gets a whole other world of culture, music, imagination and activities. The first time we sat and watched a runway show together, I almost cried. She now chooses Chanel and Dior and talks about accessories and how she wants daddy and Jo to take her to Paris so she can go to a real fashion show. Once again, tears. She knows I don't like the color yellow and that I love red. She understands that Granny lives in Canada and that she has to blow her kisses very hard to get to her. She loves to dance and I introduced her to The Go Gos which she loves to sing to. She cracks us up when she enters the room and is wearing all black and shouts, "Look Jo, I'm goth today!"

She's not my blood and genetics, but she very much is our little Small Bones and I'm very much her Jo. I know we're important in each other's lives and that we have impacted each other in a special way. She's filled a big void in my life in a way I think a lot of women who become step-mother's feel. Being a parent in any capacity is hard, but being able to nurture and love someone else's kid is hard, especially when you thought you'd be doing it with your own. I suppose the same could be said for adoptive mothers. Plain and simple, being a mom in any capacity is one of the hardest jobs there is out there. I now understand what it is to have time constraints, how patience is a must, and what it means when your little one is sick. Most of all you just want them to be happy. You want them to enjoy a wonderful and fulfilling childhood with amazing memories because in the end you are building who they become, mom in any capacity.

So for all the moms, step-moms, adoptive moms, first time moms, etc., know that you influence them and that you're important to them. You work hard to make sure they do the right things, to teach them well, to make them better humans and to nurture them as only mothers can do. I commend all of you for taking part in a very difficult job. Enjoy your day, you deserve every lick of it and know that in the end you'll be receiving the best reward there is...LOVE.

Happy Mother's Day!