"There's So Many Bad Ones!"

"I don't understand how I could have so many bad matches," says a friend of mine over brunch. After going through a stint of online dating myself, I learned to maneuver and utilize it in a way to weed out a lot of bad matches. I think for a lot of people want the app to do the work for them and sure, it's great for the visual and for the checkbox personality criteria, but aren't you trying to find people who you will have real conversations with and the chance to find a good egg? I can't speak for the guys side and maybe some of you gentlemen can help me out here, but I can however speak to the ladies. In my experience of online dating, I actually met some really amazing guys, who I became friends with in the end. My problem was I kept lying to myself. I was so determined to find someone so out of my sandbox that I didn't have any real chemistry or common bond with them. I will say, that having my own set of rules that I adhered to when I was online helped a great deal in filtering out a lot of bad.

Photos

We are as human beings are automatically enticed by the body types and features we are attracted to. We are such shallow beasts, no? There's no shame in swiping right because those deep green eyes said 'Come hither' or that woman has really nice, ahem eyebrows, but a picture is a worth a 1,000 words, sometimes only two.

Cars - leaning on their cars or inside cars. What are you saying with this? Hey, look how nice my ride is or I spend a lot of time in my car. Both are not good scenarios, unless it is in front of a vintage Aston Martin or some rare breed of vehicular wonder.
Old photos - unless you are cute and 5 years old and want to show your progression that's fine, but get some new photos and keep them fresh. There's nothing more disappointing than meeting someone and realizing they look about 10 years older than their pics.
Pets - Yes you can show the world what a pet lover you are, but for the love of God, if there are more photos of your dog than you, then maybe you aren't ready for humans.
Shirts off - unless you are at the beach somewhere, taking a photo with your shirt off is giving that impression that you probably have some issues with vanity. I don't know, maybe some women like to see the whole package, I personally like to be surprised that there's a six pack under that Jawbox tee.
Bathroom pics - just stop.
Pics with other people - women don't want to see photos of guys with a plethora of women, unless it's their family and ladies, you might want to reconsider the random photo of you looking fabulous with your ex.
Quality not Quantity - Don't post your entire photo albums; keep it minimal but show where you've been or what you like to do. I took my photo off at one point. The ones who found my profile interesting did contact me and I then rewarded them the photo.
Paraphernalia - Don't swipe right on those who post pics with guns, their marijuana use, vaping, flipping off the camera, or such things that might imply that they are a crazy or unstable individual. No bueno.

Profile

Having a good profile is important in telling the story of you. I find that the more descriptive you are, the better. Sure you love music, but is it 1970s or 1990s Bowie? This whole 'I like long walks on the beach...' doesn't really work anymore. I mean what beach are we talkin' about here?

Be Creative - use your words in a succinct and creative way. Humor is always a winner. Tell a story. Give yourself an online dating interview, ie. So William, which celebrity would you ask for a free pass with? So, Kelly, what three words describe you in the morning most accurately?
Be Direct - don't write a novel. Make your main points and move on. If you want a certain personality, just say it. We don't need to have your whole history, save that for the actual getting to know you part
Be Descriptive - don't just say you love riding your motorcycle. Say you love going out Route 5 on your 1981 BMW R100.
Don't Lie - Online Dating 101 - keep it truthful. They will eventually learn why you are single and if you mistakenly killed Mrs. Crabtree's Azalea bush.
Edit - go through your profile and edit it for any misspellings or grammar issues, yes we pay attention to these things
Don't be self deprecating - it is unattractive and says you have no self confidence.
Poetry - don't write it on your profile or send it as an intro, I love poetry as much as the next person, but keep the flowery words for more intimate occasions.
Politics and Religion - Don't discount a profile because someone doesn't have the exact viewpoints as you. This makes things interesting and leads to some great conversation. It sometimes ends in someone getting a drink on them, but you have to take risks and be open sometimes. It's like living in a Redskins vs Cowboys household.
Discount all of these if you are just looking for a short term fling or hookup. I find some people don't care as long as they are pretty, younger, and have a good dick pic.

Get Deep

Challenges - I like giving my potential suitors a challenge. I used to give them Photo Scavenger Hunts or a Photo Journal where i would ask them to take photos of different things. For instance, Where is the place you go to when you want to find a zen moment or What's your favorite word. It's a fun way to get a more in depth look at how they view the world.
Don't be afraid to "friend" someone in another country. It is a great way to gain a penpal but sometimes could lead to an exciting trip! Barcelona is quite nice this time of year. Also, if you are unfamiliar with a country you are in, I have found that dating apps provide the best tour guides. Thank you Juan in Malaga for showing me your city's art scene!
On your first meet up - have fun with it. Ask them if they are up for an adventure. Leave little clues around the city for them to find you. Mind you, not a whole day's worth, no more than five destinations I'd say. I had someone leave me a note in a wooden boat at Tan-A market one time. Make the destinations close to each other so they aren't roaming all over the city.
Don't eat on the first date. I have to admit this is my own rule. Eating is intimate. Unless you are ready to share a whole lot or don't feel awkward eating in front of a stranger, I don't recommend this as a first date. "Hang" on the first date. I've found that intimate musical performances, museums, and walks in the park are great places to have good conversation within the elements or get ballsy and take them to a shooting range or surprise them with Karoke.
Drinking - I'd try to stay away from drinking on the 1st date as well unless you can limit it. Nervousness can lead to a blurry night or a night of rash decision making.
DO NOT TELL THEM YOU GOOGLED THEM. People hate this, you keep that info to yourself and see how much they reveal. Let's be honest, we all do it, we find out where they work, who they hang with, whether they own property, etc etc. Just shut it. Also do not Facebook them unless you guys are developing a true relationship.
Keep it old school - I don't care how much of a feminist you are, let the guy pay, let him open the door for you, and let him show you his chivalrous side. Why? Because it tells you that they respect you. That they are enjoying their time with you and that you've allowed them access to you. Guys, don't be a dick, pay for a cocktail or dinner for the lady. There is nothing more insulting than having a guy invite YOU out and then you're stuck with the check. NOT that you can't independently take care of your financial obligations or are dependent in any way. This is why I also don't eat on the first date.
The most important thing to remember when online dating. Don't force it. Be yourself and you know the things you like, so if Suzie is into Jam Bands and you like black leather, well...you might want to consider your commonality. It's fine to want to date outside your circle, just know that it might be difficult dating a Hell's Angel when you enjoy going to see Coldplay.
I'd also like to mention that if someone isn't responding or if they ghosted for some reason, let it go. Don't text them incessantly. It's not worth the effort and it makes you look desperate.

One last thing I'd like to mention to the ladies out there. DO NOT GO HOME with a person you don't know. That's just dumb and irresponsible. Always meet in a public place and look for signs that this person could be unstable. Watch body language, listen to what they are saying to you, listen to what language they are using, and watch how they treat others. You might be having the time of your life with this person, but trust me, just wait a minute before making brash moves. If they are interested, they aren't going anywhere.

So after giving you these tips on online dating, here is my summary of it all. I think it's fantastic as a tool to meet those you wouldn't necessarily meet on an average day. If you want to go outside your circle or want to pursue a bigger menu, it provides that. I will say though that meeting people organically is the best way. People ask me all the time, where do you meet people. I always respond with, "In the most mundane places." Waiting in line for a show, drinking coffee outdoors, at the museum, in the produce section, doing everyday things.

I think the difficulty is the initiation of conversation. I always listen and listen well because sooner or later someone says something you can connect to and then you respond to that. Be observant. If they are reading a book, ask them if it's any good. If they are admiring the same art as you are, ask them what they like about the piece. All people want in this world is connection. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to do with just a few words. If I was doing a crossword at the bar or cafe, 8 out of 10 times a guy would walk up and ask me if I needed "help " or "you like crosswords huh?" and in turn my response would initiate a sit down debating me on if "untired" is actually a word. It is by the way. The online dating scene is whatever you want it to be, you just have to utilize it to the way that benefits you and just like in real life, you have the power to find good matches.